2022 Reading Challenge: Book 1, The Flirtation Experiment
It always feels so accomplishing to finish a book, especially one where you have learned SO much about yourself, about your husband, about your marriage, and, most importantly, about the Lord and His plan, purpose, and design.
If you are looking for a book that helps you learn all, or even some, of the aspects previously mentioned, you need to check out The Flirtation Experiment* by Phylicia Masonheimer and Lisa Jacobson.
How I Learned About the Book:
Okay-okay, before I begin I need to confess something: I chose to put an audio book on my reading challenge list this year because I had already started to listen to this book in December and knew that I would finish it on the flight home from Florida. I know, I know… it is okay if you count this as cheating, but I did finish it on January 1st of this year!
I chose to listen to The Flirtation Experiment after I heard about the book on the Now That We’re A Family podcast where Katie Voetberg conducted an interview with Phylicia Masonheimer. I was very intrigued for two reasons: 1) I am always interested in growing into a more Godly woman and wife and 2) I was able to relate so much to the author and her experiences in her marriage.
“My marriage was not in crisis. We, like many young couples, were just busy with work, kids, and social commitments. Even with our monthly dates, marriage counseling, and dance lessons, neither of us felt truly fulfilled. Our daily interaction looked more like a meeting between coworkers than two lovers in the kitchen.”
Excerpt From: Lisa Jacobson & Phylicia Masonheimer. “The Flirtation Experiment.” Preface.
My Review & Testimony:
Before reading this book I very well would have put the blame on BJ for the lack of romance in our marriage because I think in the entire six years we have been together (dating and marriage), he has maybe planned a date night twice and only surprised me with flowers a handful of times.
I know what you’re thinking, “Well at least he did it a couple of times”; or maybe you’re thinking, “Romance isn’t what matters in a Godly marriage or relationship, it is about self-sacrificial love”.
Those are both ABSOLUTELY true points and I would actually agree with you for the most part, even after reading this book. However, something that the authors do in this book is go through the book of Song of Solomon (as well as other verses in the Bible) and show that mystery, longing, passion, and desire are real parts of a Biblical marriage. They also argue that it is not just a husband’s job to pursue his wife, but that a wife can pursue and initiate romance in a marriage too.
This was convicting to both BJ and I when I shared some of the lessons and applications from the book with him. I have always initiated romance with BJ, and he took that for granted and didn’t realize how much work I did to classify our marriage even as a marriage.
Let me explain that last sentence: Just like in the Preface of the book, BJ and I’s interactions are more like coworkers than lovers; and just like Masonheimer describes in her own marriage, we agree and have a solid foundation about everything–finances, faith, work, and extended family.
As BJ I talked about what I was learning in this book, I was convicted of not being encouraging, loving, and friendly towards my husband. “No wonder he doesn’t want to spend time with me” I thought as our conversation continued.
And as we talked more, and even continue to talk to this day, about the passion and romance in our marriage, it has become clear through the help of this book that BJ do not just lack passion and romance, we lack intimacy. Sure we share our thoughts, feelings, hopes, and dreams with one another; we always have! BJ and I have a very solid friendship and marriage on the outside, but there are still walls that we have put up to guard our hearts that we didn’t even know were there. And we are now working to tear those walls down with the help of the Lord!
This book did so much more for me than just give me ideas on how to flirt with my husband. I am sure you saw on Instagram how this past Monday I made BJ a cup of coffee and wrote him an encouraging and sweet note to start his week off on the right foot; an idea that I received from this book. But this book opened up the door for better communication and an intimacy with BJ that he and I have never had before. Making yourself vulnerable and sharing your true feelings with someone else is never easy, especially if you are expressing how the other one hurts you and how you hurt them.
While reading this book, I was also doing my in-depth study in 1 John chapter 1. I made a connection with the convictions and encouragement this book gave me with Scripture about fellowship with other believers and with the Lord:
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9 ESV
Confessing our sins and respectfully listening to and forgiving another believer’s sins leads to deeper more meaningful relationships within the Body of Christ, and within a marriage. This was a great lesson for me to learn, and I am thankful that this book opened up a door to a better, more meaningful relationship with my husband and with the Lord. Marriage is His design, and He desires for us to be one with Him and with each other.
Final Thoughts & Rating:
I rate this book 5/5 stars, and highly recommend it for any married or engaged couple, no matter how long you have been together.
Blessings,
*I included a link to the book on Amazon. This is NOT an affiliate link, but a link to make accessing the book a lot easier for you!